Just keep reading, just keep reading ....

I've heard this story all my life. Jesus saw Peter and Andrew, and told them to follow Him and they dropped everything and went ... same for James & John. A man walks up to these fishermen, and tells them to follow Him and they leave everything and follow Him. I'm wondering what was it about this Man that compelled them to do that? So now I have access to these stories, and Jesus tells me over and over through these stories to follow Him, and I say, as soon as I get our finances into shape (notice the I), as soon as my marriage is better, as soon as I figure out how to be a better mom, the list goes on. so I'm thinking, what am I missing? Is it just the experience of actually physically looking into the eyes of Jesus and seeing something that pierces my heart in such a way I can't see past Him? How do I get to that without the ability to have that physical experience?

I've noticed something lately. I'm reading my bible, and I'm seeing things I've never seen before. Maybe it's because I've heard these stories my whole life, that finally, now, in my 50's, I'm starting to get the meaning. Or maybe I never had eyes for the stories. I really don't know the answer, just know things are different as I read. I'm actually hearing God tell me to read His word, and instead of ignoring that, I'm doing it consistently. We'll see where it leads ... so far, through the first 4 chapters of Matthew, I've learned:

• Jesus' genealogy includes Solomon, whose mother, Bathsheba, is the woman who was married to Uriah, and David took as his own, then had Uriah sent to the frontlines of war to die - so Jesus definitely understands all the mixed emotions I've been through since finding out my birth story
• God's entrance into the world as a human baby caused the physical realm to react: the star pointed the way, Heaven couldn't be quiet, angels sang, shepherds came. If the earth and the heavenly realms reacted like that, then as His creation how can I not worship, praise, and obey Him?
• When God told Joseph to get up and take Mary and the baby to Egypt, he got up and took Mary and the baby to Egypt. No questions. Just obedience.
• John the Baptist told Jesus that he wasn't worthy to baptize Him. Jesus had such a clear picture of His purpose, that when He told John that scripture had to be fulfilled by this act, John immediately consented. He didn't argue.
• Jesus in the wilderness ... me in the wilderness: Jesus had singleminded purpose, to trust God through this time. I, on the other hand, have always sought escape from the wilderness by my own power, not by obeying and following God through the wilderness; I have arranged for my own healing at the hands of whatever small gods of comfort, rather than waiting on His angels to attend to my needs.

Don't know what tomorrow holds ... other than that I'm going to keep reading.